matthew mcconaughey was smooth

Matthew McConaughey says in this month’s Elle magazine that when he was a young man getting to know the pleasure of life, the vagina was still a confusing pit of mystery, a riddle that not even softcore porn could unlock. 

"From checking out Playboy I always thought — jeezum, we still don’t have a better word for it than vagina, do we? —I thought it was behind the pubic hair, and it faced horizontal. You know, east/west, not south.  So the first time I got to third base, man, I was hunting for a long time."

I never know what the hell stoners are talking about and this is no exception.  At the risk of making a fool of myself, I’m pretty sure it is behind the pubic hair, and it doesn’t really go any direction as much as it just kind of “opens’.  There’s no zipper if that’s what he was expecting.  If all he remembers is that he discovered it was not behind the pubic hair and it went north-south, I think he’s suppressing that he first got to third base with a dudes ass.  I think he was raped.