Erin Heatherton Accepts Her Role

Victoria’s Secret is the last line of defense against the plus-sized infiltration of the American modeling world. Europeans understand the correlation between portion size and chub rub. The Land of the Free is still largely in denial. Frequent a Cheesecake Factory and order a salad. Congratulations, you just consumed the annual caloric intake for most Ethiopian villages. Victoria’s Secret doubled down on its commitment to rail thin beautiful by telling model Erin Heatherton she needed to get even skinnier. Heatherton consulted her rabbi. 

“I was really depressed because I was working so hard and I felt like my body was resisting me. And I got to a point where one night I got home from a workout and I remember staring at my food and thinking maybe I should just not eat.”

So she quit. Why literally starve yourself for a paycheck? Leonardo DiCaprio used to fly you to the South of France to fuck you. You’re better than this. Victoria’s Secret countered Heatherton’s positioned stance by immediately hiring ten nearly identical women happy to subsist off cotton balls and pre-chewed mung beans. Everybody won. No, DiCaprio won’t be sending you any more first-class tickets now that you’re no longer in uniform, but on the bright side, the collagen in your lips has another two months and your friend happens to know a divorced guy in his 50’s who owns a ton of real estate around Sedona. 

Photo credit: Erin Heatherton / Instagram / Casting