Hailey Baldwin’s metatarsal snaps every reckless evening she spends with Justin Bieber. It’s a more virulent strain of chlamydia. Bieber keeps tossing Stephen Baldwin VIP concert tickets to keep him from connecting his daughter’s STD stigmata to Leviticus. Do not lie down with trainable Canadians. The dwarfism is a visual cue you’re standing at the bank of the River Styx. You have a New York loft apartment and numerous famous friends. Don’t cross over.
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