Taylor Swift Breaks Another Heart

Taylor Swift is in the enviable financial position of never having to marry the jackasses she dates. Calvin Harris is a DJ and music producer which doesn’t really explain what he does but he makes a shitload doing it. Like the Arabic guy at the end of your block who seems to be in FILA tracksuits and never goes to work. Though you should probably report him. See something say something.

Swift and Harris broke it off after fifteen months of dating, or four total days they actually spent together making sure the magazines acquired a reasonably number of nearly romantic photos.

“It just wasn’t working anymore,” a source explains to Us, adding that “She’s OK.”

Phew. Fake publicity relationships between celebrities is tenuous at best, deadly at worst.

In last month’s Vogue, Swift noted she was in a “magical relationship” that was both “happy and healthy”. You really can’t have one without the other. The front provided solid cover to pack her shit and escape with her lesbian bestie while softhearted teens perused Vogue and imagined exactly what her wedding would be like. Swift would croon a melancholy ballad. Harris would DJ something. Karlie Kloss would get loaded and give a Maiden of Honor speech taunting Harris that he could never stop the two girls from bathing together.

Young love is so fickle. Especially when nobody’s that young anymore. Time to find a bookie willing to take bets on the topic of Swift’s next album. She’s playing everybody like the old fashioned country guitar her pappy gave her. There is no pappy. You’re all fools.

_{Photo credit: FameFlynet}