Kobe Bryant Won’t Stop Essaying

Kobe Bryant penned yet another open letter in the Player’s Tribune. This time, a bit of wisdom to his seventeen year old self. It’s unclear if he believes his seventeen year old self can read this or if he’s become a master of dramatic literary devices. The essay seemed a roundabout manner of telling your parents to stop asking you for more money:

I’m writing you now so that you can begin this process immediately, and so that you don’t have to deal with the hurt and struggle of weaning them off of the addiction that you facilitated. That addiction only leads to anger, resentment and jealousy from everybody involved, including yourself. As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result. There’s plenty more I could write to you, but at 17, I know you don’t have the attention span to sit through 2,000 words. The next time I write to you, I may touch on the challenges of mixing blood with business. The most important advice I can give to you is to make sure your parents remain PARENTS and not managers.

You have to love the hint of a sequel. It probably sucks to have to cover your PARENTS and other relatives bills from age seventeen onto infinity. Be honest, you could buy each of them five Burger Kings and a dozen gold by the foot vending carts and they’d be back a year later just as broke asking for more money. I’m sure the conventioneers in Cleveland would appreciate your near perfect critical assessment of the modern government welfare state.

How about a letter to your twenty-five year old self reminding him to ask permission before slipping into concierge stink at a Colorado spa hotel? If you’re taking suggestions. 

_{Photo credit: Splash News}