The Disturbing Allen Family Gaining Traction

Because we no longer live in a world where freaky people are caged and forced to perform geek shows for drunk fat guys who wandered into the unmarked tent at the County Fair, families like The Allens preaching all natural child rearing in England are given serious attention. As with all things British, this story begins with an unpleasant looking chick with shitty teeth saying nonsensical things with complete confidence. Mom Allen is going to breast feed her kids until they leave for the school they won’t be attending because they’ll only be home schooling. Since they won’t vaccinate, that matter has already been decided. The family uses only home-grown medicines which conveniently consist of mom’s breast milk. Dried baby placentas are always on hand should somebody need a pick me up.

Mom Allen states confidently that if she were to get cancer, she would rely entirely on naturally grown products for her treatment, which is something people say before they get cancer. Mom can’t die, the entire family eco-system is based on her tits.

The kids don’t wear shoes and often get comments from intrusive neighbors about things like, “You know there’s broken glass on the sidewalk, right?”. It’s unclear how the family sustains itself outside of all sleeping together in the same room and dining on mom’s tit porridge. You couldn’t go wrong betting on government assistance, the common currency of those committed to natural living. The Allens would like to move entirely off the grid to Costa Rica where nobody gives a shit if mom is nursing a fifteen year old boy and no shoes is no problem. They’ve set up a crowd-funding page to raise $100,000 so they can buy a farm and die from Zika. That’s fairly tempting. If they lived next door to you, you’d most certainly chip in.

We are inspired by the raw food family to create a business, home and lifestyle which can show people that they don’t have to comply to the constraints of ‘the system’. The money raised will fund our travel and cost of land and self-build home abroad.

Excuses for being lazy continue to evolve. Mayim Bialik tried this shit with her kid and lost her husband who grew tired of fucking a woman with a five year old on her tit. Just fucking Mayim Bialik is hard enough. Go with God. Game of Thrones boy is definitely going to grow up with a fetish for off the main page porn.