Kendall Jenner Has a Stalker

Kendall Jenner has a stalker. She probably has numerous stalkers, but only one so far who has her new home addresses and likes to hang out in her driveway and harass her when she arrives home. The number of bent dudes committed to Sawzall beheading and fucking the bloody stumps of famous young women is vastly underreported. That and discovering your hot actor boyfriend is wearing your slips are the two least shared downsides of being a female celebrity.

Jenner’s stalker, Shavaughn McKenzie, jumped her car at her new pad in the Hollywood Hills. He banged on the window asking to speak to her. If he had a couple rap albums under his belt and a million in the bank, he would’ve earned himself a hummer. Instead, he just got arrested. Jenner retained the services of Lindsay Lohan’s attorney to type up a restraining order against McKenzie so the next time, as will certainly happen, he can be arrested for more than simple trespassing. 

The ten percent of people who want very bad things to happen to the Kardashians seems pleased with the stalker news and gladly awaiting Jenner’s gruesome body part death. The rest of us are merely waiting for the consensual porn tapes with our favorite basketball stars and want to see her live. Kris Jenner’s prepared a eulogy for each of her daughter’s just in case. They all begin the same: how could this have possibly happened?

How about you check that Pros and Cons sheet you made when they were six where MONEY!!! is written under the Pro side and Funeral Fees is listed under Con. 

_{Photo Credit: AKM-GSI}