Dani Mathers Chained Heat Dreams

Dani Mathers, known for being naked in Playboy and also snapping photos of naked geriatrics in the L.A. Fitness locker room to mock with her friends on Snapchat, might be going to prison. She won’t really be sent away, but what a fucking headline and lesbian prison shower dream. Some judge is going to yell at her and she’ll cry then get a suspended sentence and probation. She’ll also have to teach schoolchildren about the dangers of wearing fingerless mittens in saunas.

At the time Dani Mathers shared her photo with the ridiculing caption, there were numerous possible legal ramifications cited. Nobody thought the police would actually do something beyond interrogating Mathers at 3am while in her kimono. LAPD spent the last two months identifying the naked old lady in the photo. Or two months more than necessary if they had just slipped fifty bucks to the Guatemalan lady who cleans the toilets in the women’s locker room. The 70-something woman in question is cooperating with authorities and has stated she’d like to seek justice in the matter.

Justice would be a solid kick to the cunt. She won’t get that. We don’t burn witches anymore and the result is a shit ton of witches.