Octomom Revised

The DailyMail and Octomom concocted a “comeback” article for the mother of fourteen, with the gist being that Nadya Suleman regrets her porny past persona and is now a rehabbed working mom feeding fourteen kids with just a small assist from food stamps. Also, she never wanted to have octuplets, merely a seventh child to add to her original six IVF offspring while she was broke and unemployed. A victim if you will.

Suleman shares photos of her now seven-year old octuplets who look surprisingly normal save for shaved heads and a strong indication that a ton of braces are coming down the line. Suleman has everybody on a vegetarian organic diet and claims to be living the normal life in Orange County where doing so with a family of fourteen would run you at least $200,000 a year if you cut the shit out of coupons. Suleman has returned to work as a semi-trained psychiatric counselor and nurse. Her specific credentials are up in the air, but you can imagine the Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are conversations she’s able to have with common vagrants and street schizoids. Sleeping on a bus bench covered in your own feces? I laugh at your luxury.

Noticeably absent from Suleman’s revisionist collaboration are any pictures or mention of her original six kids. The double-digit aged ones who had to live through the welfare fraud, evictions, filthy house, Xanax addiction, mom fucking herself on camera, and the introduction of eight younger siblings who the entire world cared about while forgetting they existed. Presumably, they’re less able to make happy Americana faces around photos.

With your little ounce of heart, you have to root for some of this to be true so an entire football team worth of kids aren’t fucked up and foisted onto the world for their future handling. A DailyMail exclusive b.s. piece seems like a bad tell.