Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Divorce

It’s a miracle it lasted this long. She appears to be completely insane and keeps removing her body parts. He seems like a not so bright pothead. You don’t have to get married just because people think it would be kind of cool. This isn’t the 1950’s anymore when people’s kids roughly matched their ethnicities. The center of the dispute appears to be Brad’s “methods” of raising their children. Completely unclear what that means but he’s most likely putting gluten solids brownies in their sack lunches accidentally. Or maybe he’s gay, or just good looking and I’m jealous.

Hopefully the divorce ends amicably, for the sake of the nineteen adopted Third World children. If there’s one thing to be learned from the Amber Heard situation it’s that marriage is a shitty idea. What was the point again? You’re both fucking each other correct? Why get the government involved. You could just give the money you’re spending on lawyers to each other. Or your brood of international mystery men. It was good while it lasted. 

EDITED TO ADD: According to the New York Post and a source that may or may not actually exist, Pitt was banging his co-star in a movie he was shooting named Marion Cotillard. Jolie reportedly hired private investigators to spy on him. If your woman ever does that, or cuts off her breasts because a State Fair psychic told her cancer was coming, start cheating immediately. It’s a bad sign. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram/’Mr. And Mrs. Smith’}