Angelina Following the Heard Model for the Sake of the Children

The only people who know what goes on in any family are the husband and wife and their seven or so internationally adopted and conceived children. Plus the truck beds of  UN Refugees turned into household staff, nannies, and windbreaker wearing personnel security. Though within moments of Angelina Jolie filing for divorce from Brad Pitt, suddenly everybody knew the real story. That narrative concocted by Jolie who had the lead time to prep a public relations leak campaign about Pitt being an unfit father, more than dabbling in alcohol and drugs, cheating, and the ever-noted “violent outbursts”.

Ask ET, E News, and US Weekly about their journalism standards sometimes. The same goes for CNN, HuffPo, and People. TMZ at least pays cash for people willing to turn over hard evidence. Wait for the tapes.

Jolie isn’t looking for cash like Heard and her desire to secretly film her husband so she could support worthwhile charities with divorce settlement agreements. Jolie wants full custody of the United Colors of Benetton offspring, limiting Pitt to visitations. Pitt signed up willingly for this Cheaper by the Dozen life so he clearly has an affinity for being a father to these children.

None of this seeding of the press with derogatory stories about your soon to be ex is new. The speed at which it is now accomplished is the novel factor. Rumors of illicit love babies with French actresses used to take weeks to percolate. Now it’s eleven minutes across all gossip magazines across all continents, not including Australia because that’s not a continent. You can order a character assassination and watch it play out in real time on your way out the door to get the last of your lady viscera voluntarily removed and burned.

Brad and Angelina wait until marriage equality existed across the land to marry themselves. Who could’ve known that would progress so quickly. Next life, Pitt uses his good lucks and quick wit to simply fuck the shit out of tons of leading ladies. No need for hats or frowns.

_{Photo credit: FameFlynet}