Brody Jenner Almost Stood Up For Himself

All you need to say about a man is that he’s a 33-year old Malibu DJ and you have enough. Bachelor Little League volunteer is next on the list. Bruce’s straight son, Brody, made a short-lived attempt at being socially relevant when he “Amen’d” a buddy’s Instagram post supporting the Charlotte Police in their handling of the Keith Lamont Scott shooting.

An “Amen” on Instagram isn’t much, but for a wealthy Malibu scion, it’s akin to a Selma march. Only in civil rights reverse, because Jenner immediately came under fire from the Black Lives Matter cabal for his heretical support of a police-not-guilty possibility. More than half the country agrees with Jenner’s position, but in Hollywood you might as well announce you’re going to fuck a four year old. That would at least engender a few live and let live seconds.

Jenner quickly removed the post and followed with a heartfelt, if not completely rote ISIS captive apology letter fashioned by somebody in public relations:

“After taking some time to reflect and learn a lot over the last few days, I want to address my careless and misguided posts last weekend. Having done more research into the Black Lives Matter movement, including reading a very informative editorial [in Vanity Fair] by @lmanisviney, I realize that my comments weren’t thoughtful or substantiated. I spoke out of turn on a subject I wasn’t particularly educated on. It was never my intention to exacerbate an already contentious situation in our country. I am a firm supporter of the African American community and I am grateful that my mistake allowed me the opportunity to increase my own awareness of Black Lives Matter, and hope that going forward we can continue this conversation in a positive and peaceful way.”

Frankie Five Angels at least layered in a couple jokes before cynically recanting before the Senate hearing into Corleone racketeering. Research is research. Your independent analysis and experiences of thirty-three years can’t stand no chance against a Vanity Fair article. Also your DJ manager letting you know you’re next three Vegas gigs are being threatened. Jenner doesn’t need the money, but every man needs the appearance of working.  

It seems a shame that honest debate on controversial issues is no longer possible in the United States. Micro-tribes and pressure groups are far too easily able to maneuver online levers to scare the crap out of politicians and corporate executives. Hashtags are the new shot across the bow. Brody Jenner is a ginormous pussy, but representative of a bigger issue. We’re a nation of ginormous pussies. It was nice knowing you, America. You fucking ran the joint back in high school.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}