Digital Celebrities Even Worse Than Their Previous Counterparts

Young celebrities have always been tools. But easy to ignore before they had social media channels. It’s unclear how we went from the Greatest Generation to two YouTube “stars” individually tearfully video announcing their young divorce. It’s only clear that the Chinese are laughing at us in big Chinese giggles. 

Colleen Ballinger and Joshua Evans are apparently social media stars individually and as a newly married couple. Colleen does impressions of clueless female pop stars and Joshua makes funny boisterous comments and has amazing hair. They documented every real life aspect of their love and marriage, except for the part where it was awful and horrible and required a divorce after one year. 

To announce their split, each took to their carefully staged house backdrops to cry and look forlorn and share their most private feelings that are either real or made up with the distinction irrelevant. Joshua staged suitcases and taped up moving boxes behind him. Wait, are you being kicked out? Colleen went for potpourri and scented candles because she’s sad and wistful. These two emo-clowns have several millions followers. That’s a real societal kick in the pants. NOVA episodes on PBS go largely unwatched.

We used to ignore weepy self-involved peopl eand laugh behind their back while imitating their wrinkly faces. Now they’re making careers sharing their feelings online to a disconnected generation who equate feelings with accomplishment. You can’t even punch them anymore. They’re a thousand miles away. The day Google has an answer for how to get off this planet it’ll finally be Boolean worthy.