Pitt-Jolie Children Traumatized

Nothing sucks worse than being adopted out of a war torn third world country only to end up in the killing fields of a Hollywood power couple divorce. Naturally, excluding bitter bloggers who mock children. Fuck them.

According to the new People magazine shocking clickbaiter, Angelina Jolie is “staying strong for her children”. What the other 876,000 people a year divorced in the United State each year are doing remains to be seen. The children really are the victims here, described by many anonymous insiders as horribly traumatized:

At home with Jolie, they’ve been watching movies and playing in the pool. “They didn’t leave the rental house for days,” says a source close to the family. “It was hard for all of them. They are used to more activities and more entertainment so it’s difficult for them to just stay at the house. The younger kids don’t understand what’s going on.”

It’s tough when the jugglers and fire-eaters are being kept at bay on advice of grief counselors. The pool sounds kind of nice, once you take going to school or seeing friends off the table. One kid’s trauma is another man’s dream vacation. This couldn’t possibly all be the doing of high strung self-involved parents. Holy fuck. Return the kids to their native lands with a hobo bindle and a couple lactose free soy cheese sandwiches. Malawi doesn’t have pools but the adults cry a lot less.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}