Miley Cyrus Still Blathering About What Her Cunny Prefers

Miley Cyrus got a good kick in the promotions department when after splitting with Schwarzenegger’s USC bio son she started making out with chicks and announcing she was gender fluid. That was something labeled incredibly 2015 before 2015 was even out. She regained romantic footing with one of the Hemsworth brothers but hasn’t quit shouting from the rooftops about her “pansexuality”. 

“My whole life, I didn’t understand my own gender and my own sexuality. I always hated the word ‘bisexual,’ because that’s even putting me in a box. I don’t ever think about someone being a boy or someone being a girl. My eyes started opening in the fifth or sixth grade. My first relationship in my life was with a chick. Once I understood my gender more, which was unassigned, then I understood my sexuality more.”

Technically, you’re not allowed to advance the anthropological and cytogenetic sciences via pure revelation. Where was it that your gender was unassigned? Billy Ray was half sober when the nurse announced, “It’s a girl.”. Pediatricians confirmed your gender through many office visits. Your agent had you down squarely in the girl box when you secured your role on Hannah Montana. Where did the gender unassigning come in and did it pass committee vote? 

Cyrus’ blathering simpleton science lectures seemed purely promotional. Upon further review, it’s clear that self-diagnoses of any kind are pure ego trips. Celebrity lyme disease, indigo child powers, pansexuality. It’s a bio humble brag. Verse eleven of the special snowflake hymnal.

You’re hetero fucking a well to-do handsome young rising star actor. It’s okay. You’ll get through this life as a person not so different than the rest of the world. If we only knew that what was coming after the tongue thing would be even more annoying.