Selena Gomez on 5-Star Lockdown

If the empty chairs in pastoral retreat settings tell you anything, it’s mental health facility. Hotel and vacation promotional photos always show couples holding hands. Rehab centers empty chairs. Somebody needs to work on the iconography. No reason to rub in the feeling alone part.

According to InTouch Weekly whose anonymous sources are solidly more vague and anonymous than most, Selena Gomez is not reveling in her upstate New York convalescence at the Brookhaven center for women. Perhaps it’s because the name invokes thoughts of the sanitarium that couldn’t contain Michael Myers every October 31st. They do have horses. Which minus the stampede of half-dressed chemically dependent ladies each afternoon seems tranquil.

She absolutely hates it there.

Weird. Most people can’t get enough of drug and mental health treatment facilities. The security response belts worn by the staff give it that homey feel. Latex is the new crushed velvet.

Selena Gomez is one of the roughly one-hundred percent of child actors and performers who have grown up with dependency and emotional issues rendering them in and out of need for licensed supervision. It’s weird what fondling and exploitation by people your parents insist you smile for does to a growing child’s amygdala. In a more perfect world you could sell your pretty girls in a Moroccan bazaar at six and have them come back to you at twenty well-adjusted and holding a thank you box of Whitman’s Samplers. Brookhaven surely has a wing for this. The first seventeen rehabs never take.