Let the Halloween Costume Lamentations Begin

Halloween is the best and worst of times for people obsessed with the cessation of all injured feelings in this world. The nature of Halloween costumes means there will be fingers to wag and judgements to be made through the entire pagan long weekend. It’s the Super Bowl for the politically correct.

Numerous colleges warned their students ahead of time to ensure their costumes would be acceptable to people of all backgrounds and sensibilities. Last year a Yale teacher bit on that soft-serve generation nonsense and replied all telling everybody to lighten up about Halloween costumes. He felt the wrath of protest marches and calls to resign. This year, not a peep. That’s how free speech works. Shut that shit down.

Hollywood celebrities suffer more than most each end of October, what with their dual obsessions to be creatively applauded and socially progressive. While attending the Casamigos Tequila Halloween party, which nobody notes is George Clooney’s super white guy bogus Mexican named spirits company because he votes the right way, Hillary Duff and her personal trainer boyfriend went as Pilgrim and Indian. Not particularly creative, but definitely historically revisionist offensive. Duff apologized nearly simultaneous to the rise of critics on social media and blatantly self-righteous Huffington Post:

“I am SO sorry to people I offended with my costume. It was not properly thought through and I am truly, from the bottom of my heart.

Save the all caps for the hangman, bitch. The Pilgrims slaughtered the Native Americans with their crude misfiring muskets and their venereal diseases. Thanksgiving was a holocaust. Enjoy your turkey. 

Duff’s boyfriend who also has an Instagram account because he’s fucking somebody famous went deeper into his regrets:

I meant no disrespect. I only have admiration for the indigenous people of America. In hindsight I would not have made that decision. I apologize to anyone I may have offended

Indigenous people of America is seven sensitive steps past even Native American. You’re trying too hard. You owe the Sioux nation one week’s protest at the Dakota Access Pipeline. Bring firewater. Next year consider a ghost costume. Also the fact that couples costumes this early into your relationship means you’re pussy whipped. There are crimes worse than Manifest Destiny.

_{Photo credit: Entertainment Tonight}