Ashley Graham’s Barbie Can’t Fit Into the Camper

Fat pimp Ashley Graham received the ultimate anointment with a signature Barbie Doll. Unlike previous Barbies which made women too ashamed to eat or study hard sciences, Graham’s Barbie will inspire girls to accept overeating and lack of physical activity and aspire to be the world’s only plus sized underwear model. This is what progress looks like several rungs of the ladder at a time.

Thighs touching, round hips, arms and tummy!! Thank you @Mattel @Barbie for immortalizing me into plastic!

Be sure to inject your new doll twice a day to avoid insulin shock. Obamacare offers zero providers in Barbie Land. Graham claims she insisted her doll feature cellulite but was told that was physically not possible with plastic. A solid lie for both manufacturer and paid celebrity name and likeness licensor to agree upon for the press.

The Chub Rub Barbie falls in line with Mattel’s release this year of numerous new diverse versions: tall and petite, different colored eyes, hair, and skin tones. So, a ton of immutable racial and anatomical features and then the one who simply refuses to stop pounding Funions. Which one of these is not like the other? It’s okay to be brunette is not morally congruous to it’s okay to carry unnecessary body fat which certainly doesn’t improve your health and energy and productivity.

The only winner here is Ken. A couple or three cocktails and all the new Barbies look as good as the old Barbie without the high maintenance of buying roadsters and going to discos and shit. It’s only a matter of time before they all have warts. Well done, Mattel.