Mariah Carey Shits The Bed (VIDEO)

Human disaster Mariah Carey gave a really shitty performance on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, because when you think of rock ‘n’ roll you picture Mariah Carey and her twink friendly schlock. In many ways, Dick Clark is more alive than Carey.

Carey refused to do a soundcheck and initially claimed the wrong track was playing which for unexplained reasons apparently rendered her blind deaf and dumb, as we all know the immense difficulty of switching to a song you’ve lip synched 1,700 times on the fly. Now the story is that her inner earpiece was not functioning and she couldn’t hear the music. That’s interesting, because everybody else could.

Somehow the Rolling Stones were able to perform all those years without a metronome in their ears. They’re flashy, but legitimate musicians. Not merely fat strippers. Carey’s people also claim her teleprompter wasn’t working. Jesus Christ, at this point it seems possible a bonobo could belt this crap out. Carey’s people are also claiming the production staff intentionally sabotaged her set as a stunt to garner higher ratings. Unless that included giving her a growler of Rophynol that claim should be easily debunked.

Please go away, there’s a chick blowing Tommy Mottola at the Hotel Cafe who could drastically improve the slot you’re inexplicably still occupying.