Nicole Kidman Damaging Her Children

Nicole Kidman did a radio interview with two yentas who call themselves The Moms. You can be a mother or a father, but when your entire identity lies in the fact that you’ve reproduced, you’re a loser. The Moms asked Nicole Kidman how her and her shorter husband with dyed and straightened hair Keith Urban are able to fuck with the kids around. Apparently this is a major problem for Kidman, as she was married to a gay guy for several years and now has enough pent up sexual aggression to fuck the varnish off a rolling pin.

This question also must piss Tom Cruise off something fierce: Some other person is fucking Keith Urban. Kidman explained that she tells her children in a thinly veiled euphemism that her and Urban are going to do anal: 

“Mommy and Daddy need to have kissy-kissy time.”

Please stop vomiting, this is serious. The kids are six and eight. It’s unclear what you’re supposed to say to your children when you need to fuck, but the correct answer is probably nothing. Turn on some music and lock the door. Maybe even a shower fuck is in order. Whatever you do, don’t do this, it’s really creepy.

Why not just lie and say you have to go into the bedroom and move some furniture. This is a half-lie, so you have the worst of both worlds. You’re not being honest, and you’re being truthful about something you don’t need to be. Mommy’s going to go kiss daddy on his pee pee. Daddy is going to pretend mommy’s muffin is a yogurt cup. You’re creeping your kids out lady, us too. Say what you will about Scientologists, they’re fucking weirdos. 

_{Photo Credit: NBC}