Bella Beotch

Critics are dismissive of “influencer” Bella Poarch and her 170+ million hits on her “Build a Bitch” video. So she doesn’t have traditional talent like “singing” or “dancing” or “acting” – that’s old school – but her TikTok videos are creamy, and that’s all Gen Y needs.

The point actual musicians are missing is that she’s caf, in a cartoon come to life kinda way – somewhere between manga fantasy, self-aware American teen, and blow-up sex doll (its all laid out in her video). Poarch is less a manufactured pop star and more of an extension of Jessica Rabbit hentai.

And that works – so what if she sounds like a deflating tire? You havta be needlessly expressive, and wear too much make-up and not enough clothing, to make an impact in 60 seconds. She’s even taken a page from low-talent predecessor Demi Lovato by shilling a past of poor mental health and childhood abuse to engender fans; muffin we already knew that from the artless tats and relentless need for online attention.

Bring it on – the more Hollywood sluts blur the line between reality and deepfake holograms, the less guilty we feel about Taylor Swift porn.