New Mariah Carey Bikini Pics Sponsored By Photoshop And The Year 2000

 

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A post shared by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on Jan 4, 2019 at 3:47pm PST

People actually think that these new Insta pics of Mariah Carey looking hot in a bikini were taken within the past decade and a half, and that they weren’t Photoshopped to within an inch of their lives, and honestly, it’s endearing. There’s still enough hope, love, light, positivity, and even a dash of magic floating around in the world to enable people, supposedly with eyeballs and brains inside of their heads, to think that this is what Mariah Carey looks like in 2019. Adorable. I love how fucking stupid people are. JK sending positive vibes.

And this isn’t body shaming by the way. That’s not me anymore. Carey is the one doing the shaming. If you go by red carpet pap pics, Carey’s armpits have armpits thanks to the boa constrictor tightness of her Spanx. If you go by pics she has editorial control over, the forty-eight-year-old’s armpits are armpit-less.

Is she saying that there’s something wrong with armpit armpits? Should impressionable young fans be ashamed of THEIR armpit armpits? These new Insta Mariah Carey bikini pics took the entire production team from Avatar to produce, and by not acknowledging the movie magic, Carey is setting wildly unrealistic expectations for people. She’s reportedly worth half a billion dollars. She has five Grammy Awards. And two kids. It’s a good life. Why not just let the jig be up? Who is she trying to impress? We have Emily Ratajkowski to take care of our hot bikini pic needs. Let ur armpit armpits fly free Carey.

 

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A post shared by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on Jan 5, 2019 at 12:48am PST

 

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A post shared by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on Jan 5, 2019 at 8:09am PST