Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Instructions On How To Be A Stepmother

I don’t blame Gwyneth Paltrow for being hesitant about mixing broods with hubby Brad Falchuk. He probably doesn’t even fully accept her favorite child, Goop. She claims she’s having a hard time adjusting to stepmotherhood because she’s never done it before. And she probably wouldn’t have had to if she stuck to movies and never aspired to become a vagina egg saleswoman. Chris Martin would probably take her back right now if she stopped trying to win an award for scammer of the year. I never thought there could be a more wasteful outlet for pretentious women to spend their money than Anthropologie, but Gwyn told someone to hold her avocado and here we are. One divorce, one lawsuit, and one failed merge of a family later.

“I’ve never been a stepmother before,” she told WSJ. Magazine. “I don’t know how to do it.”

Paltrow also has two kids from her previous marriage to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. Although she and Falchuk are officially husband and wife, the two haven’t “merged households” yet.

“We are still doing it in our own way,” she explained. “With teenage kids, you’ve got to tread lightly. It’s pretty intense, the teenage thing.”

The fact that Paltrow hasn’t moved in yet proves that celebrities aren’t real people. They just want to appear like they’re like you and I. Your normal married couple doesn’t have to ask their significant other to sleep over because they live in separate houses. I hope there’s never a life advice book written by her available on Goop. Because there’s not much to learn from a 46-year-old woman that rejuvenates her meat mitt with perfectly good eggs that she should be using to make breakfast with.