Kate Upton Shatters Glass Ceilings (And Zippers!) As Maxim’s #1

Kate Upton looks hotter and pornier than ever in her photoshoot for Maxim’s Hot 100 issue, to the point that Guess creative director Paul Marciano is kicking himself for jumping the gun in sexually molesting her before her prime. Photographer Gilles Bensimon only lets Upton wear colors that run the spectrum of dingy granny panties, and stages the shoot in Israel so as to ensure that no color or visual interest would distract from Upton’s beauty. Unfortunately the cover is littered with typos, stating that besides Upton, the most notably attractive hot women in the world are Jenners, Hadids, and Trumps, oh my. But besides that, everything looks good.

Being much more than just a masturbatory aid for men who have yet to discover Internet porn, Maxim also hitches itself to some stuff about empowerment and breaking boundaries and stuff and things. Since in 2018 you can’t even make fun of bombing victims without getting tailed by the PC police, I’m not going to make fun of the fact that, in describing Kate Upton’s pick as this year’s Maxim top 100 lady, the publication states:

Now more than ever, we need to celebrate smart, powerful women who are breaking boundaries, shattering glass ceilings and showing us what is possible – none more so than our incredibly talented cover star, Kate Upton.

“Now more than ever.” A lesser person would question which boundaries Upton is breaking – besides our waistbands, right fellas – but I am not that person. No. Not anymore. It’s obvious that becoming famous for being freakishly attractive and having huge boobs and a great ass is very much so a pioneering angle never before accomplished. Robert Price, head honcho at Maxim, also added:

Our annual Hot 100 issue is about so much more than physical beauty, although this year’s nominees have that in spades.

It’s honestly so great that Maxim is looking beyond women’s appearances to celebrate what else they have to offer. It’s why, included in their picks for this year’s Hot 100, are widely-discussed, thought-provoking/controversial women like Ruther Bader Ginsburg, Chrissy Metz, Hillary Clinton, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Lena Dunham, and Oprah Winfrey. Now check out the pics of Upton’s big heaving jiggly luscious brain.

Photo Credit: Maxim