We Care That Cardi B’s Basement Ass Implants Led To Leakage

If you blinked then you might have missed Cardi B’s rise to fame as the sassy knocked up rapper the world didn’t know it didn’t need. She possesses all the prerequisites for the Jennifer Lawrence-y type of stardom she’s going for (Unfiltered? Check. A girl who can hang? Check. Keeps it real? Check.) and while chatting it up with GQ, bolstered her brand of buzz-worthy (and relatable!) off-the-cuffery fuckery by recounting the time she got ass injections in someone’s basement.

Apparently Cardi B got her start in entertainment as a stripper, and in order to increase her profit margins she went in for basement ass injections in Queens:

They don’t numb your ass with anything. It was the craziest pain ever. I felt like I was gonna pass out. I felt a little dizzy. And it leaks for, like, five days. By the time I was gonna go get [a touch-up] the lady got locked up ’cause she’s supposedly killed somebody.

Well you can’t win ’em all. And also… where… does it leak out of? Cardi courts a couple more clicks by opening up about being in a gang when she was sixteen and whatthehellever:

When I was 16 years old, I used to hang out with a lot of… Bloods. I used to pop off with my homies. And they’d say, ‘Yo, you really get it poppin’. You should come home. You should turn Blood.’ And I did. Yes, I did. And something that—it’s not like, oh, you leave. You don’t leave. Stripping.

Before bursting onto the scene, our busy little B starred on Love & Hip Hop – which aired on the most hardcore and badass channel ever, VH1. Cardi’s stripping botched ass gang persona feels about as organic as the Marlboro cowboys luring consumers into their Wild Wild West world of lung cancer and gay cowboy sex. It’s almost like she was thought up in the Atlantic Records boardroom. But honestly, if Cardi B offers enough new bells and whistles to knock fellow brassy star Jennifer Lawrence off her already wobbly ladder as America’s edgy sweetheart who really goes there, then by the laws of terrible people, I have to like her.

Photo Credit: GQ / Backgrid USA