Barbra Streisand Too Fugly For MeToo

Barbra Streisand isn’t the prettiest woman on Earth and the proof is in the lack of sexual harassment. When all the pretty young ladies were earning their MeToo merit badges, Streisand wasn’t worth the trouble of a powerful man whipping it out and asking her to sing into his mic. Clearly the benefits of sharing a striking resemblance to Andy Samberg in eyeliner in the early years. At her current tender age of one foot in the door of the afterlife, her unattractive erection killing facial features are transitioning from blossoming to full bloom. Who knew that in addition to a person’s ears and nose, the ugly continues to grow for an entire lifetime as well. Barbra’s facial situation at the moment teeters at the cusp of her Pokemon-esque evolutionary first stage and second. She’s about two wrinkles away from fully evolving into owning the face of Donatella Versace before ultimately reaching her final stage as an androgynous, mustache-less Steven Tyler.

During a tribute to Streisand’s decades of TV music specials and other programs, producer and long-time admirer Ryan Murphy queried her about her career, the #MeToo movement and her aversion to interviews. “Never,” she replied when asked if she had been sexually mistreated. “I wasn’t like those pretty girls with those nice little noses. Maybe that’s why.”

Did you know that one of the monsters in the illustrated book Where The Wild Things Are happens to be based on Barbra’s face? At no point am I surprised that a woman who currently looks like what Sarah Jessica Parker will look like in 2038 never managed to be harassed by high powered men, either previously in her past or recently. I’m pretty sure the only thing stopping her from completely looking like the Crypt Keeper are globs of expensive Mac make-ups and various concealers. Even the scummiest of sexual harassers have standards. And yes, Barbra looks stunning for most cadavers her age but if some guy tried to slide inside with or without permission, he’d instantly be labeled a deplorable by everyone on this planet.

Photo Credit: Reddit / Pacific Coast News