John Legend Should Have Used Lyft

Finding a cab driver that’s a decent individual is a harder task than Rebel Wilson trying to find her clitoris under all those extra flaps of fat around her vaginal area. I’ve been rooting for the entire cab industry to fail since the introduction of Uber and Lyft. I rarely complain about things but the entire cabbie community runs through more assholes than a proctologist. There’s never a shortage of shitty people completely unqualified to work in the service industry just waiting to get a job as a paid-per-trip chauffeur. John Legend experienced how notoriously crappy NYC cab drivers can be after his luggage was swiped by a Queen’s cab driver who is now a convicted criminal.

A Queens cabbie was found guilty Tuesday of swiping John Legend‘s Louis Vuitton luggage — which contained a pricey pair of Cartier cufflinks.

Hilario Agustin was convicted of charges of third-degree criminal possession of stolen property following a week-long jury trial.

I’m in favor of using Uber or Lyft because it’s convenient and I grew tired of my clothes smelling like a mixture goat and black ice air freshener after leaving any taxi in NYC. Legend was lucky to identify the driver because there isn’t an app that keeps your trip information once you flag down a vehicle. Now this guy is facing seven years for the laziest theft of the century.

Photo Credit: Instagram