Kate Upton Face Plants Off Rock Topless

Kate Upton might not have nabbed the cover of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition this year, but she is going viral for face-planting off a rock with no one there to catch her, which is kind of the dream if you think about it. Models have the most longevity in the industry when they create a brand for themselves, and with this video Upton’s brand is “Flopping Midwestern naked model who no one cares enough about to spot even though she’s on a slippery rock.” In fact it kind of looks like the guy is flinging her off the rock. Oh wow, he thinks he’s freeing Willy.

via GIPHY

We say a lot of negative things on here about Kate Upton – she’s trash, she’s stupid, she’s a dump truck – but at the end of the day, if you truly, honestly don’t find her the least bit attractive, you’re a homosexual. Which is obviously fine and great, just something you should be aware of and embrace. Or deny if you want. Just know that everything we’re looking at here is objectively not horrifying. Thorne and now Upton. I think Valentine’s Day has me feeling soft. Or hard. IfyaknowwhatImean. Anyway head to the gallery to see a Midwesterner strike poses like a real model and watch the clip a billion times like I have.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Sports Illustrated / Youtube