Angelina Jolie’s Love Is On Hold

Angelina Jolie just put her love on layaway and is not interested in dating any longer at the moment. This can only come from what I assume is the embarrassment of ex-husband Brad Pitt’s behavior. Pitt has been parading around town slinging schlong opportunities at random women in coffee shops and bidding to buy Emilia Clarke. No matter how much you try to deny it, your ex-lover is a representation of you and your ability to make rational decisions. That’s why an angel dies every time an ex-girlfriend becomes a full on fur diving lesbian. Your past penis performance just wasn’t persuasive enough. Angelina is getting a taste of what it’s like to be a guy and it’s making her a cold-hearted loveless witch. Perfect for channeling her character in an upcoming Maleficent 2.

Angelina Jolie is single and not interested in dating, a source tells PEOPLE. “She isn’t dating anyone and won’t be for a very long time. She is focused on her children and their needs,” the source says.

At age 42 equipped with a gaggle of ex-orphans it’ll be pretty much impossible to find love. She’s obviously still obsessed with Brad but Pitt is smart for leaving any situation Billy Bob Thornton’s ballsack has been involved in. Angelina will find a face full of wrinkles before she find another suitor. If only adopting a husband was as easy as adopting kids from third world countries.

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