Hugh Hefner Manages To Annoy The Living In The After-Life

It’s no secret that most old people are annoying. The closer someone gets to assisted breathing and high-fiving death the bigger the burden they become as a person. If it wasn’t true most people wouldn’t ship their aging parents off to what is essentially a shelter for stray and abandoned humans. To younger family members anyone over 80-years-old starts looking less like an individual and more like an opportunity to own assets very soon. Hugh Hefner knew his turn to take the eternal nap was coming and instead of being as free-spirited as the Playboy magazines he pushed he decided on being a prick. Beneficiaries aren’t allowed to abuse alcohol or drugs. Which defeats the entire purpose of having an abundance of money. If you can’t have a let-loose night of Jack and crack in the confines of your mansion then you don’t need to have money at all. 

Hugh Hefner had a hard and fast rule: No junkies are touching his money.

The Playboy founder had a clause in his trust blocking any beneficiaries — widow Crystal, daughter Christie and sons David, Marston and Cooper — from access to his cash if they abuse drugs or alcohol, documents obtained by “Entertainment Tonight” reveal.

Any beneficiary would be blocked “if the trustees reasonably believe that … [the beneficiary] routinely or frequently uses or consumes any illegal substance so as to be physically or psychologically dependent upon that substance, or is clinically dependent upon the use or consumption of alcohol or any other legal drug or chemical substance that is not prescribed by a board certified medical doctor or psychiatrist in a current program of treatment supervised by such doctor or psychiatrist.”

Trustees can also request drug testing and treatment if they suspect substance abuse.

I can understand the reasoning behind Hef’s logic because a junkie would piss away money faster than they could count it, but it’s his family that the money is going to. A certain level of trust that the people you love the most will make the best life decisions should be expected. Your dead dad requiring a piss test before being paid is almost demeaning.   

Photo Credit: Getty Images