A-Rod and J.Lo Meet Cute Story Will Melt Your Heart

Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez are both divorced parents in their 40’s who’ve found they like banging each other the thrice a month they get together in the same city. That should be enough. If only it were enough.

The power couple were featured on the cover of Vanity Fair, which means they had to come up with a bunch of stories to prove that romance is not dead in the world of rich celebrities. Even if it’s often a forced blowjob for a movie role or anal for a record deal. The heart wants what the heart wants. 

A-Rod and J.Lo repeated an obviously rehearsed story about their first date. In the manner you might hear your grandparents talking about how grandpa nervously first asked grandma out in high school. You see, Alex Rodriguez wasn’t sure if his meet up with Lopez at the Hotel Bel-Air. By way of shortcut, if you’re meeting at a posh hotel in the evening, it’s a date.

When Lopez informed Rodriguez she was single, he realized it wasn’t a platonic meet, but rather an official exchanging of the fuck-me glances. That’s when he felt a need to excuse himself from the table to compose himself in the men’s room. Like an awkward young man or a gay movie character. After talking to himself in the mirror and checking his cufflinks, Rodriguez decided to sent Lopez a text from the bathroom:

“You look sexy AF.”

Imagine the response when you get back to the table from blotting your man wet spot in the loo. Lopez giggled when Rodriguez returned to the table, feeling strong about his play. Then the fire alarm went off in the hotel and everybody had to evacuate. That really happened. Or it didn’t. Who knows.

Lopez insists their attraction is far more than skin deep and bumping uglies. They’re both people who put their kids first. Those kids they made with people a couple spouses ago. No way either could definitively state where their offspring was sleeping that evening. It’s the thought that counts.

Look for a late November breakup, in time for the Christmas holiday periodical printings. They’ll cite conflicting schedules but we’ll know it’s all those bathroom breaks Rodriguez takes to compose himself. At least Kevin Space was honest.

_{Photo credit: Getty Images / Backgrid USA}