Jennifer Garner Confronted The Other Woman

People magazine can confirm based on multiple anonymous sources that Ben Affleck was fucking SNL producer Lindsay Shookus at least two years before his formal separation from Jennifer Garner. Shookus was also married at the time to another SNL producer, Kevin Miller. Don’t know him, but guys named Kevin get cheated on a ton. 

Garner apparently was aware that on top of drinking and gambling, shitty Batman was also fucking this chick because Garner confronted Shookus when in New York. According to more anonymous sources, Shookus refused to quit her that Affleck cock. It’s that good. Also, they were in love. Or how an addict expresses love. Copious amounts of semen.

Garner arranged to meet with Kevin Miller, who she showed a text between Affleck and Shookus. Assume it contained the phrase “smoldering love hole”. Or don’t. Miller told Garner, thanks, but he’d left that bitch over a year earlier. Though a public relations rep would later rephrase that to:

“They’re both really good friends still. They’re both good, devoted parents. Lindsay and Kevin’s marriage didn’t end over infidelity. There were issues they couldn’t resolve and they realized they were better as friends than together.”

So, the same, but different.

Garner would of course go on to carry Affleck through rehab because she’s a bible-carrying Methodist and that’s her burden. Then the split and the divorce. Their own reps now describe Garner and Affleck as the best unmarried co-parents in town. A high bar considering that describes every couple in Hollywood with a kid and more than two years of togetherness. Certainly a more serene description than Garner traveling the country confronting her S.O.B. husband’s sidepieces. 

Affleck and Shookus are now a public item. She has a kid, he has three. Wait for the one big happy modern family People magazine cover. Also, copious amounts of Affleck’s semen on another woman within six months. Hunting dogs are gonna hunt.

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