Beyonce Brings Twins Onto the World

There has yet to be a movie made creepier or more terrifying than simply following the Twitter feeds of Beyonce fans. They’ve got the nickname Beyhive. Cute at twelve. More Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders at thirty-two. 

Millions of women who have chosen to live vicariously through Beyonce are fluttering in heat this morning with word that Beyonce may have surreptitiously given birth to her twins. Surreptitious only if you discount her ninety-seven promotional updates on her pregnancy over the last half a year, including revealing photos and detailed geo-mapping of her uterus. The new babies will now join the older girl with the stripper name nobody’s seen in the last three years since she grew out of cute infant media quotient. Also, she may have been left behind on a Tampa tour stop in ’15. You can always make more babies. Proof.

As a sports fan who feels emotional ups and downs with a bunch of people I don’t know hitting balls or shooting hoops, it’s hard to completely mock grown women whose sex fantasy it is to breastfeed Beyonce’s newborns and hang with the family. The difference being an understanding that when the game is over, who gives a fuck about these people as they do not give a fuck about you. If you’re dreaming about babysitting Stephen Curry’s kids in the offseason, you ought be on a watch list.

_{Photo Credit: Blackgrid}