Celeb Vegan Chef Cops A Plea

Celeb restaurateur Sarma Melngallis was sentenced to four months in prison and five years of probation after stealing $844,000 from investors to open a new restaurant, failing to pay $400,000 in taxes, and ripping off her employees for $40,000 in wages, according to prosecutors. Meanwhile some dude got ten years for jacking a pair of Jordans from Foot Locker. 

Sarma created Pure Food and Wine, a popular NYC eatery where you could drop fifteen bucks on a stack of pumpkin seeds while you lamented the state of income inequality. After building a name for herself, she fled with the investment money along with her degenerate gambler and Kevin Smith doppelganger husband and went on a lavish vacation spree. 

The devout vegans were apprehended in Tennessee, where they were caught after ordering a Domino’s pizza. With cheese. Decidedly not vegan. What a total fraud. Actually all vegans are because they all either do this or die prematurely. It’s just a poor excuse to talk about themselves. You can tell the real ones, they’re having a difficult time breathing and vibrating at an odd frequency.

For the amount of money involved and number of people she screwed over, four months in the slammer seems paltry. In New York, grand larceny is anything totaling over a thousand bucks. White collar criminals routinely grift into the millions. It’s almost as if the people who wrote the laws know the same people who funnel millions away from innocent people and want them to get away with it. Like the people who own the banks. They’ve been convicted of defrauding half a trillion in the past decade and nobody’s done a day in jail. That really affects people’s lives. The pair of Jordans, not at all.

Progress means people like Sarma Melngallis are jailed for life before they can make a comeback on Dr Phil. She knew what she was doing. Enjoy the nutraloaf. 

_{Photo Credit: Vanity Fair}