Lonzo Ball’s Dad Has It All Figured Out

Lonzo Ball made it through a single year of fake college as proscribed by the NBA’s Education First dogma and is looking at a top three selection in the upcoming draft. That’s worth guaranteed millions. His shamelessly outspoken stage dad LeVar Ball is searching for billions.

There’s something to be said for obnoxious as hell former athlete dad living through his children. Without them, the kids might get into drugs and girls and fucking around, rather than ten hours a day practicing their jump shot. To watch Lonzo Ball shoot so awkwardly and still nail the high percentage of shots he does is testament to dad making him hit fifty in a row before he was allowed to come back inside the house, at 2am, when he was nine.

LeVar Ball has managed to produce three sons who are all All-American talents eventually headed to UCLA for a one and done and the NBA in some capacity He’s made it clear he’s the gate keeper to his children for any and everything basketball money related. That includes the inevitable apparel deal with one of the big name brands.

LeVar Ball created his own line of sports merchandise, Big Baller. The pun was his primary input. His three kids are his tacit promoters. They sell $50 t-shirts. To whom is the better question for that day we need to start culling the herd. Dad Ball is insisting that any company that wants to work with Lonzo must sign a co-branding deal with Big Baller. Meaning, Lonzo Ball wouldn’t be promoting Nike, he’d be promoting the Big Baller line at Nike. Which his dad would own. I’m sure dad explains it with great gusto around the dinner table as his wife nods and hopes the kids don’t catch on. 

Nike, Under Armour, and Adidas, the big three for the NBA, have all passed on the chance to be in business with LeVar Ball. Go figure. They don’t give peons the keys to the kingdom. If you’ve seen Scarface, you know LeVar is hardly finished. He says he’s going straight to the source, China, to source his own deal for Lonzo, and presumably the two kids to follow. It does happen to be where all the others are manufacturing all the cheap shit they sell to kids and grown men in Philly. At some point, they’ll have to snuff him out. Phil Knight owns a fleet of planes. They can be easily reconfigured into bombers.

It’s unclear yet how badly LeVar will screw over his children while pretending to act in their interest. Estimates are still incalculable. The pretense of sticking it to the man is ever appealing. The reality of dad stealing your money is less appealing. Talk to every kid actor ever for advice. Somebody should’ve paid more attention when he named the boys Lonzo, LiAngelo, and LaMelo. Let’s not look back and pretend there were no signs.

_{Photo credit: Getty Images}