Prince Search Warrant Reveals Pills Everywhere

The Minnesota police have released the search warrant issued after Prince’s death on April 21^st, 2016. His passing is still considered to be an accidental overdose of the painkiller Fentanyl. The singer’s Paisley Park home was found to contain enough opioids in different shapes and sizes to take down a herd of charging Adeles. Pill bottles, Ziplock bags, and envelopes stashed around his compound contained the entire Pill Poppers Periodic Table including Percocet, Oxycodone, and Fentanyl.

As with Michael Jackson’s death, all eyes are on the doctor. This time around the licensed Grim Reaper is Dr. Michael Schulenberg. Prince fell ill on his private jet six days before his passing. Schulenberg came clean to authorities that he prescribed Oxycodone to Prince in the name of one of his bodyguards that same day. But most of the drugs seized by police were prescribed to Prince’s pill-loving alias, Peter Bravestrong, by Schulenberg.

Nobody looks good in this situation. Schulenberg killed Prince. But Prince would have found another doctor to kill him if Schulenberg wasn’t up to the task. Physicians don’t go into their field to selflessly save lives. Unless doctors are extracting tapeworms out of one-pound babies in Uganda, they’re in to make six figures prescribing drugs to rich musicians. Doctors get away with murder. Literally. Schulenberg’s downfall was killing someone the world gives a shit about.

Celebrity is a catalyst for delusion. Prince surrounded himself with a money-grubbing posse more concerned with getting their yearly pill bonus than addressing his addiction to Fentanyl. Prince died a grown adult man at 57. But a life without repercussion or the necessity for adult reasoning left him a child. He might as well have been a baby that downed a Tide Pod. Dr. Michael Schulenberg deserves to spend an eternity in hell watching Graffiti Bridge on repeat. 

The only winner here is the Minnesota tourism board. Paisley Park could be a Graceland for not entirely white people if done up right. Imagine the easter egg hunts.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}