Bruce Jenner Ditches The Dong

Caitlyn Jenner has finally ridded herself of her obtrusive and no doubt bottom quartile penis and underwent sexual reassignment surgery right in time for a new memoir. Jenner now has a vagina, or more accurately a facsimile of a vagina. A replica, kind of like what a wax museum statue is to a real person. A certain portion of society has hammered us with the notion that, if Brett Favre were to decide to put on a dress and call himself a woman, we all have to stand and salute and make believe that he is.

They say there’s literally no difference between dressed up Favre and a biologically born woman. One might ask why the T would be necessary in LGBT then, and what this has to do with being gay or lesbian or bi, and get a response which makes no fucking sense. Bruce says his penis, which he’s probably been hitting with a tack hammer in the bathroom for the past decade:  

“Has no special gifts or use for me other than what I have said before, the ability to take a whiz in the woods. I just want to have all the right parts. I am also tired of tucking the damn thing in all the time.”

Spend a lot of time in the woods do you between Botox injections? How does it work eating soup around the campfire when it keeps dribbling out of the corner of your mouth? It appears nature really screwed up on this one. Sometimes you get an extra chromosome or two, other times you grow a dick. It’s just bad luck. If you have a cleft palette, you’re probably going to want to get corrective surgery. It makes sense. Kind of. 

While Jenner remains a vapid nothing of a human being she does have a new party trick and will perhaps finally be accepted at the National Federation of Republican Women gin rummy night. Probably not, although there might be the threat of a lawsuit. Either way, the world’s saddest cock is no more, if not sitting in a jar on Kris Jenner’s nightstand where it has in actuality resided since the late 80’s. 

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