Ask Tyler: Where’s My Happy Ending?

Dear Tyler: I hope you don’t give me an asshole answer. I’m not lying when I saw I’m crying as I write this. I was legit the hot girl growing up. I looked no different than the girls you post on here.  One day I woke up, 32, single, never married, no kids. I walk down the street and see all these woman who are complete fat slobs who are married with families and I have never even been proposed to. How the fuck did that happen? I go on dates with guys I would NEVER have considered ten years ago just to maybe have a family one day. This shouldn’t happen to good looking women.

* * * * * * * * 

You seem like a good woman. Maybe one who could use a little science in her life. Let me dissect your life. 

College – You are this super hot chick who constantly has guys texting her, hollering at her at the bar, asking her out, helping her with every possible need. There’s no way you carried your own shit up to your dorm room. Your only job is to apply a little makeup and buy tank tops. Guys are so damn easy you get to only caring about the few who don’t want you. Those guys don’t ask you out because they know you’re a pain in the ass. Eventually you get into a relationship with a few. They fuck around, tell you you’re worthless, and they leave you. You’ll tell everybody the opposite.

Mid Twenties – You promise yourself never again with these immature boys and decide it’s time to date a decent guy. You end up once again dating guys that treat you poorly and you like that. It feels like home. Everything has been easy in life but it’s starting to pass you by. Your friends are getting married and starting to have babies. You have a job that pays you hourly and an apartment in a cool part of town that’s hard for you to afford. You challenge your attached friends to shots at the bar. They can’t drink like they used to and their husband’s hate you. It’s a small victory. You let an older guy take you away on vacations. After sex you take selfies without him and hashtag them #sunandsurf, #amazingviews, and #CaboWabo. Your friends see it and are momentarily jealous. The void in your life is less empty.

30 plus – Your biological clock goes from ticking to punching you in the pussy. You have your first wrinkles and read everything possible online as to how to stay looking young. Almost all of the good guys are married. You don’t cook, you hate to clean, and you have a shitty personality. You no longer feel bad about lying on dating sites. You wonder why your single? During the early years when you’re supposed to blossom into a productive well rounded person, men did everything for you. You did nothing. You didn’t improve. You had nothing to overcome. You dated assholes. You want to wake up at thirty-two and ask the world for your happy ending? You don’t get one. You get what you earn. You earned this. 

Is there more to your story? Nope. THE END.