Busy Phillips Uber Murder

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According to Busy Phillips and her imposingly gay chick flick screenwriter husband, the couple was almost assassinated by their Uber driver. If you ask the driver, they were the most obnoxious drunks he’s had the displeasure of dealing with. Phillips and Silverstein posted a long drawn out Instagram video explaining what happened. Hopefully Uber sues them for slander or pilots their self driven car into a ravine at some point:

“I got into an Uber and there was a man in the third row… The guy was really weird. I said to my husband “That guy was really weird, are you sure he’s not going to kill us?” And from the back this voice says “I promise that’s not going to happen.” And there was this scary dude… I’m in a Lyft now so I’m safe.”

So how much is Lyft paying you? Maybe they’re not as earnest as they claim in the commercials. What did you expect the stranger to do when you accused him of plotting to murder you? Concur? 

There are so many questions. Why was another guy in the back of your Uber? Did you perhaps drunken dial up a pool? If someone actually wanted to kill you, how are you still alive? You seem super easy to kill. Also, if you’re a serial killer hoping to slaughter a couple of douchebags, why not hide behind the seat out of sight and then strangle them both with a guitar string? This isn’t a plan, only suggestions. In case you’re the next guy who draws the Busy Phillips short straw.

Uber drivers are required to pass a background check. It may not be much, but it’s more than the guy you let serve you drinks at a bar. Drink up. Mikey just got out of the joint  for raping a goat. Cab drivers have a far better idea where they’re driving, but one is ten is contemplating a bloody martyrdom. Expect your Uber rider rating to drop significantly with false murder allegations. If you weren’t blonde with tits, you may never Uber again.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}