Kristen Stewart Lesbian Upgrade

Who knows what Kristen Stewart is really like? Not the puff piece writers at People, or the essayists at Vogue who sit down to lunch with her on the veranda to discover her complexities. What’s clear is that Kristen Stewart’s rep up until her gay switch was bird-flipping prima donna who fucked up some director’s marriage because she was bored. Now she and Stella Maxwell are the Hollywood super couple you’re rooting for? Nobody’s rooting for Justin Bieber and the Victoria’s Secret model he’s fucking this month? He’s also seen as a bird-flipping prima donna. Somebody run the hypocrisy algorithms.

For all the heroic medal ceremonies for women revealing they’re gay in Hollywood, there seem to be only tangible benefits. Let alone Kristen Stewart who flipped a switch at twenty-five. Consider every blogger and magazine article now calling you cute. When’s the last time you saw a “What’s Bothering Kristen Stewart?” article with her sour puss? Now it’s about her finally finding happiness and how easy she is to work with. Nobody’s even asking why you can’t walk your own fucking dog?

Times haven’t changed, simply the announcements that grant you carte blanche. Gay is the new foreign adopted baby. Going down on Stella Maxwell seems preferable to changing diapers. Also, you get to chain smoke without the disapproving faces of the people who used to judge you before you were gay.

_{Photo credit: Marika on Instagram}

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Here’s Kristen Stewart in Personal Shopper being topless because it’s French. Bravery points, for this and the lesbian thing: