Tomi Lahren Temporarily Unemployed

Tomi Lahren is a political commentator who just happens to look like a high end porn star. So, like any blond on Fox and maybe Wolf Blitzer. Lahren’s one of those people who says incendiary things and pretends she doesn’t understand why it’s offensive. Tom Green used to do this but it wasn’t called news. Like comparing Black Lives Matter protestors to the Ku Klux Klan. A few people will agree with you because you’re good looking and your sound bites are easy to repeat. Most won’t. You fail to make a compelling case either way, so your career is completely unnecessary. 

Lahren considers herself a Constitutional Conservative and also a feminist, meaning women should be able to participate on American Ninja Warriors but not vote. She’s only twenty-four, she’ll figure it out. She was recently fired from Glenn Beck’s The Blaze for stating that she’s pro-choice. If you’re a viewer of a news organization that pays hot chicks to give their opinion and then fires them for giving their opinion, you may want to have your worldview shaped elsewhere. Also, this might indicate they’re using the abortion issue to shove a lot of other shit down your throat. Take a walk around the block, and stop buying those infomercial frying pans, you have a garage full of Magic Bullets. It’s clear you’re not juicing.

Lahren and The Blaze are discussing severance pay and her non compete clause. It’s unclear where she’ll catch on next to deliver eighth grade level op eds, but it will definitely be owned by Rupert Murdoch. In a couple or three years look for a sex tape and a complete reversal of her deeply held political convictions and a move to the Huff Po once Trump is out. Then, a strong income doing corporate gigs and a husband with a ton of inheritance. You’ve got to hand it to Fuckable News Barbie, she’ll stand up for what she believes in. I didn’t know Mormons could fire other white people. 

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