Melania Trump Sues Daily Mail for 150 Million Monopoly Dollars

The First Lady with a little assistance from her legal team re-filed a $150 million civil suit against The Daily Mail for suggesting she was a paid escort in the 90’s before marrying The Donald. Maybe a little bit after. Also last week a smidgeon. The Daily Mail responded by saying they had no idea what the fuck they print from day to day but it certainly sounded like something they’d say.

The Daily Mail outlets posts anything and everything. Piers Morgan is their editor at large. They have a staff of one-hundred, 22-year olds shitting out any story the least bit titillating that can include an accompanying bikini photo and a jewelry ad. So, me, but with a budget. Outside of being journalistically indiscriminate their only real offense is buying up all the topless celebrity photos on the market for their own then blurring out the tits. That’s $150 million in asshole behavior right there.

Melania Trump’s lawsuit claims that the First Lady’s brand and ability to launch a highly lucrative image based commercial enterprise were irrevocably damaged by the prostitution charges. It’s unclear when she intended to commence this enterprise given that her husband is President and it’s either illegal or highly unseemly to do so. The goal of the suit seems mainly to punish the shit out of the Daily Mail for calling the President’s wife a ho. It was a rather risky move on the part of the Daily Mail considering they were very lean on proof and ultimately retracted the story without comment.

No major media outlet would’ve dared refer to Michelle Obama as a former sex worker. Then again, she wasn’t, so there’s that. This seems like a no-win for The Trumps. Are they really going to allow Melania to be deposed thoroughly about her goings-on as a young model trying to make her way to the American dream? You wouldn’t think so. Though I wish the Daily Mail would put 150 million at risk for such a privilege. Not my money. But I’m definitely watching the tape. 

You have to wonder if The Daily Mail got greedy, careless, or was expressing some kind of anti-Trump anger. It should be enough to say Melania Trump looks like a hooker and produce some fresh satirical cartoons about her sucking the wrinkled Presidential wiener. 

_{Photo credit: New York Post}