Duggars Multiplying Exponentially

Remember when Stephen Hawking calculated that the exceptionally financially pragmatic Duggars might end up populating the planet with two-hundred grandchildren? An exponential progression of pumpkin-headed fundamentalist Christians to compete with Caliphate Muslim breeding programs for ultimate control of Earth 2150. This is the matchup God wanted to see. The Jews will ref.

Another Duggar kid had another kid of her own today. Jessa Duggar. These names all seem fake. Jessa and Ben named their last kid Spurgeon because they hate him. If you intend to have fifteen kids, start with the shitty names so they become progressively easier.

’19 and Counting’ was canceled by TLC when corporate had to pretend they were doing something about all the disturbing Duggar family crimes and misdemeanors. Discovery mourned for an appropriate 60-days before announcing “Counting On”, focused on the Duggar daughters and their attempt to fuck like bible thumping rabbits. Millions of lonely women living through a creepy Arkansas cult family didn’t disappear just because Josh liked to touch his little sisters and brutal pound hookers. 

With nineteen kids believing God and their parents have commanded them to marry as teenagers and start reproducing uncontrollably, two hundred certainly seems within reach. Even discounting the one of two who will ditch the family for table dealing jobs in Branson and a similar number who will be put down after being found to be sterile. The ultimate direction of the planet is determined by the breeders. On the upside, anxious hipsters are headed for the genetic scrap heap. On the downside, every restaurant will eventually be a Denny’s. 

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