Beefing With Azealia Banks Seems Like a Bad Idea

Some lessons in life have to be learned the hard way. Like never get in a fight with a crazy person. Mental patients care little for your superior muscles or legal power or social status. Even if you defeat a nut job, what have you really accomplished? Classic lose-lose.

Azealia Banks principled positions loosely equate to, how can I say the opposite of somebody famous so I can initiate a pointless battle I’ll win with my no hold barred rants. It’s super fucking annoying, except for the rare occasion she lands a fish like Rihanna. 

Rihanna was on social media adding to the cacophony of rich famous people lamenting Trump’s sort of muslim immigrant ban.

Disgusted. The news is devastating! America is being ruined right before our eyes! What an immoral pig you have to be to implement such BS!!”

Rihanna’s not even American, but she shops here and owns a small handful of mansions so she’d be the one to know when this nation was turning its back on its core values. One ISIS inspired strike on an A-list celebrity and this rhetorical diarrhea would stop instantly.

Azealia Banks makes it very clear she hates menand white people and white men by a math property neither of us know. Still, Banks took offense at Rihana’s attack on Trump and her native born land. She urged Rihanna and her celebrity ilk to shut the fuck up and stop rooting for the airline pilot of your own flight to crash. Decent analogy. Let’s assume she stole it.

This is the jousting moment where the smarter Caribbean singer whose made a fortune in singing without a singing voice would nurse her wounds and shut the fuck up. Smarter Caribbean. Like that’s a real thing. Rihanna doubled down with some hashtags referencing Banks’ fucked up ritualistic killing of chickens in her apartment closet. If you listened closely to the VH-1 winds, you could hear “oh, no you didn’t” drifting across the ether. Banks took half a second for the rhetorical kill:

What rihanna meant was …. “I GREW UP PLAYING SOCCER IN A DIRT YARD WITH A COCONUT AND OPEN MY LEGS FOR ANY AND EVERY MOTHERUCKER WHO I THINK I CAN GET TO WRITE ME SONGS OR BUY ME DRUGS. I CAN BARELY PERFORM BECAUSE I LINE MY BROWN BLUNTS WITH CRYSTAL METH AND AM OFTEN VERY WINDED ON STAGE.”

There’s your Superfly Snuka off the top turnbuckle splash. Normal people don’t write that kind of vitriol. Technically true or not. Rihanna fought back with a few lame responses about Banks talking to an empty room, but obviously that’s not true since everybody is now talking about Rihanna being a prodigious young whore to climb the ladder. Banks stomped on Rihanna’s grave a few more times noting how easy stupid celebrities are to bait and how Rihanna should consider reading a book. 

Trump had to nut when he read that on Twitter. Who is this Banks chick? Cabinet appointment can’t be far behind. She’s like a Dr. Ben Carson though with a polar opposite view on white people. Also, even bigger hands. Right wing blogs are touting Banks as a hero. They have no idea how much she’d like to shit down their throats on the six other days of the week.

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