Chrissy Teigen Genetically Engineers Future Masturbation Material

Chrissy Teigen announced that she chose the gender of her unborn child through a process called super fucking expensive in-vitro fertilization. If the spawn of two celebrities weren’t already winning the genetic lottery, soon they’ll be able custom design the child. I saw Gattaca. Ethan Hawke is the ugly one in this scenario. TV commercials that used to feature fat bald guys with model-hot wives will look very different in the future.

Teigen chose to have a daughter because she thinks husband John Legend will be a terrific father to a little girl. Which is a nice way of saying she didn’t really ask for his input because men always want a son. The emasculation of males in America is nearly complete. I’d pick daughter too if you’re gaming for future power upside.

Teigen’s is being attacked for her decision to choose her baby’s gender because people pretend to like honesty, but only as a trap so that they can be self-righteous when you spill the beans. 

“Did you choose the hair and the eye color too @chrissyteigen…..smh messing with the natural blessings from God…”

Teigen, who built her reputation on nice tits and social media quips, nailed the big comeback.

“My natural blessing from God was infertility.”

Of course, this conversation never needed to be broached at all. Unless you make your living by sharing every intimate of detail of your personal life with hundreds of thousands of women living through you vicariously. In which case, exploiting your offspring even prenatal is compulsory. When can we start choosing the narcissism level of our babies? Keep those centrifuges spinning.

Photo credit: Chrissy Teigen / Instagram