Kesha Wins for Losing

Kesha lost her battle in court to nullify her recording contract with music producer Dr. Luke. Kesha claims Dr. Luke drugged and sexually exploited her. Or what the industry refers to as a standard recording contract. That’s why God invented heroin. Your music talent is negligible and replaceable. Nobody tried to roofie Aretha. The judge ruled against Kesha because she has no evidence of any crimes being committed and you can’t simply let people squash a contract by crying rape. Though you can still put innocent black men in jail. We haven’t lost all reason.

Kesha’s loss in court was met by a Twitter confab of every female artist who ever lived and owns a smartphone. Demi Lovato called for world wide feminist revolution. Lady Gaga noted Kesha’s bravery. Taylor Swift shut everybody the fuck up by ponying up $250,000 for Kesha’s legal fund. She too knows the oppression of the blonde white women. Kesha’s mom called Swift a saint and then borrowed against the donation for a sweet Benz. She’s likely banging Dr. Luke on a voluntary basis. Mothers are always more practical.

The music industry is a sewage stew of short angry dudes who never got laid in high school. Miserable drug-fueled dwarves lashing out at a cruel God. Nobody’s getting through without the aftertaste of midget cock in their mouth. The judge should’ve said this but instead just ruled that Kesha had no case. Kesha’s attorneys claim she’s missing out on her window of commercial opportunity since her music is super shitty and relies on her passing herself off as a rebellious teen. Solid point. But a deal’s a deal. Ask for valium and insist on protection. The world needs the next Tik-Tok.

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