Jessica Alba IPOing her Szechuan Diapers

Jessica Alba didn’t just whine about pay inequality for women who can’t act so well, she did something about it. She founded an all-natural, organic, baby-healthy products company which sources its products in the factories in China modestly hosed out in between rounds of generic battery making. The Honest Company is brutally honest in rationalizing why they produce their upscale Westside baby products in or around Guangdong, summing it up by declaring the Chinese aren’t all horrible and Jessica slathers her own children in the overpriced shit so it must be safe. Lawsuits aside, the Honest company is working with banks for a billion dollar IPO that will make Alba richer than she could’ve ever been even if she’d been willing to show her tits in movies instead of using CGI and body doubles. Good for her. That rash on your baby’s rectum in the spitting image of Mao is perfectly natural. Read the brochure. House Bamboo Soaring Bird. Not my fault you never bothered to learn Mandarin.

Photo Credit: Cosmopolitan