Kanye West Wins GQ Style Award, GQ Admits It’s Really Pretty Gay, Its Readers Still in Denial

Remember when men used to build shit and dig holes and play tackle football and when your dick hurt from having sex with dirty girls you scoffed and threw some dirt on it? Think back to a time before we started drugging boys in school for being physically active.

Somewhere between looking like a homeless slob and laying in bed at night thinking about what belt to wear with your new blazer lies the proper range of heterosexual male wardrobe concerns. Being named the most stylish man of the year by GQ is big for Kanye West. Without irony, he looks forward to helping his wife pick out clothes and ensures he color and fabric coordinates. He’s not gay, he’s just super fucking cloying. GQ notes of his qualifications:

From Haider Ackermann velvet bomber jackets to Balmain blazers, ripped Acne jeans to his beloved Bottega Veneta Chelsea boots, every piece West wears sparks a discussion on the current state of menswear (and, we assume, launches a million Google searches).

I assume the NSA checks my Google searches. I’m comfortable knowing Bottega Veneta Chelsea boots isn’t in there. I’d rather be caught searching for ISIS Jihad How Do I Get Involved. At least you won’t get raped first in prison.

Upscale black entertainers and athletes are super into their appearance and fashion. They masculine offset by bareback fucking tons of young women and producing babies in the manner of indifferent cavemen. It’s an expensive proposition that could’ve easily been offset by just wearing sweats for the rest of your life.