Ashton Kutcher Went Incognito to an Asian Massage Parlor But You Shouldn’t Read Into it

The Daily Mail broke down twenty frames of Ashton Kutcher leaving an L.A. area strip mall Asian massage parlor like it was the Zapruder film in the Kennedy Assassination. They followed quickly with a declarative that many men go to massage parlors simply for a massage. Thanks, Daily Mail. We get it. Can you close in on that spooge stain a little tighter. Those quads were super tight today.

Ashton Kutcher fans, which is kind of amazing, insist that anybody implying that Kutcher was doing anything more than healing his tense muscles are just haters. Many men go in baseball caps to North Hollywood massage parlors simply for the shiatsu and hot rocks. Though statistically man more go to be blindfolded and pretend it’s not grandma who survived the Killing Fields whose calloused hands are tugging out your latest nut. Guys worth $140 million can afford in-call on the legit business. Whereas Jewish wives frown upon happy endings under all definitions.

Kutcher was caught with his dick in the cookie jar when he was married to Demi Moore, escalating to their divorce and Moore plunking down her credit card on an commercial grade case of Reddi Wip. It remains entirely unclear why a rich famous dude in his 30’s who can fuck everything chooses to get married. Dumb is certainly one answer. I’m looking at Kutcher and I can’t think of another.

Photo credit: FameFlynet