Tim Tebow Spares the Rod

Former Miss USA Olivia Culpo says she’s breaking up with Tim Tebow because he won’t plow her like a good man should. This despite Tebow being the world’s most famous no-sex-before-marriage disciple. That and he likes to spend Sunday with his mom are clearly right there on the bold face disclaimer. Still, hot chicks aren’t used to coming in second, even to Jesus.

I spoke to a friend’s grandfather who got married at eighteen, the day after high school graduation. I asked him why he got married so damn young. He said he couldn’t nail his girlfriend or any other girl until they got married so what was the point of waiting? Right-O. Tebow is twenty-eight and certainly has been turning down many good Christian women he can marry and proceed to bang babies into. At some point people are going to question if maybe you’re just avoiding the best subject ever. Let’s consult Russell Wilson. Talk about an escape artist.

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